Dear Friend,

C. S. Lewis once provided a powerful image of the difference between heaven and hell.

He described hungry people sitting at a huge banquet loaded with delicious food. Every person had a meter-long fork and knife attached to their hands (that’s about three feet long).

The scene in hell was one of anger, frustration, and fighting as people scrambled to feed themselves. They could reach the food with the long knives and forks, but they were too long to feed themselves. The conflict, screaming, and unfulfilled hunger continued for eternity--that is hell.

Most of us have now learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling Heaven. For English, Press 1.
For Spanish, press 2.
For all other languages, press 0.

Dear Friend,

The great violinist, Niccolo Paganini willed his marvelous violin to the city of Genoa on condition that it must never be played.

The wood of such an instrument, while used and handled, wears only slightly, but set aside, it begins to decay. Paganini’s lovely violin has today become worm-eaten and useless except as a relic.

Dear Friend,

I hope this week's "pastor's Pen" will give you a laugh.

A man has been lost and walking in the desert for about five days. One hot day--actually, they’re all hot--he comes to the home of a community of Irish missionary priests.

Dear Friend,

Paul and the Philippians remembered and supported one another in prayer.

A joyful, loving, and caring Catholic Community is one which keeps each other in prayer. Oftentimes, we fail to be a joyful, loving, caring Catholic Community because we fail to remember and support each other in prayer.

Dear Friend,

Do you remember the cartoon with Wiley Coyote and Ralph the sheep dog? I use to love that cartoon. Every morning Ralph and Wiley would meet at the time clock which was mounted on a tree. As they clocked in they would greet each other and then they would go to their respective departments.

Ralph the sheep dog went to his post on the cliff and took his position as head of the sheep protection department. Wiley, true to his nature, would slink away into the forest to plan his strategy as head of the sheep acquisition and consumption department.

Dear Friend,

A bishop friend of mine in Ireland recently sent this to me and I want to share it with you: Ten Commandments of "Human Relations"

1. Speak to people. There is nothing as nice as a cheerful word of greeting.

2. Smile at people. It takes seventy-two muscles to frown, only fourteen to smile.

Dear Friends,

I once read a marvelous story about a country doctor in Ireland who had a very poor practice. Although his patients would pay him in eggs, chickens, vegetables at harvest, and meat at slaughtering time, his huge ledger book would contain many names, symptoms, treatments, and prescriptions, but a lot of empty boxes or columns where nothing was paid.

Dear Friend,

What does hope in God do for humanity?

Hope shines brightest when the hour is darkest.
Hope motivates when discouragement comes.
Hope energizes when the body is tired.
Hope sweetens while bitterness bites.
Hope sings when all melodies are gone.

Dear Friend,

A Catholic Magazine carried a story about four young men, Catholic College students, who were renting a house together. One Saturday morning someone knocked on their door. And when they opened it, there stood this bedraggled-looking old man. His eyes were kind of marbleized, and he had a silvery stub of whiskers on his face.

Dear Friend,

Sin demands to have a person be alone. It withdraws the individual from the community.

The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him or her, and the more deeply the person becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is the isolation.

Dear Friend,

One day, two Irish monks, James and Patrick, were walking through the countryside.

They were on their way to another village to help bring in the crops.

As they walked, they spied an old woman sitting at the edge of a river. She was upset because there was no bridge, and she could not get across on her own.

Dear Friend,

Saint Theresa of Avila once said, "A growing Christian must have at his or her roots the life-giving waters of penitence.

The cultivation of a penitential spirit is absolutely essential to spiritual progress.

The lives of great saints teach us that self-distrust is vital to godliness.